The Enemy Inside

by Black River Sanction

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released June 1, 2013

All songs written, arranged and produced by Howard Lawrence and performed by Black River Sanction.



all rights reserved


Black River Sanction

Alternative Rock Theatre. A unique blend of art rock, jazz, electronica and psychedelia that relies heavily on mood and textures to propel thought-provoking lyrics into the deep recesses of your consciousness. It's also the creative output of a certifiable madman, albeit one with something to say. ... more

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Track Name: Miles Away
Give yourself a glimpse of the new world order
Come in then lock the gates
I'm the fat cat in charge
Who lets the inmates date the guards
You're gonna run em out when it's too late

Cover your eyes…
This may not be a pleasant thing to watch
Never thought I'd find religion here
But got hooked on single malt Scotch

How do we survive?
We haven't found the secret yet
Chasing friends online is all we know
And to really get creative we beat ourselves senseless
Why don't we just pack our bags and go?

Gotta get to the airport
22 miles to catch that plane
If the shadow jumps that wall again
I might just go insane
The end of what I love is near
Who can fly this bird with broken wings?
Across the pond they're betting against
The next savant that we crowned king

Dark circles frame his eyes
Uploads the database that tracks his known failures
When friends arrive he polishes his act
The change is subtle—otherwise he cracks
He swears he's safe but shrinks from reality
Why won't he expose his self-loathing malady?

We're running in place here
Wasting all these gifts to make ends meet
No wonder we're lost
This brilliant master plan was never even our idea
But we subsidize its cost

You can bring your dog to see me
But don't expect to rid him of his fleas
We buff the patient's chart here
His treatment just might trigger a new disease

What passes here for breaking news
Just teaches kids to hate our views
Whaddawe expect them to do?
Hurry up already
We're tryin to hold steady
The more they fear the less we beg
So let's just blow the powder keg

Gotta get to the airport
22 miles to catch that plane
If the shadow creeps outside again
We'll all end up insane

The noise is growing louder now
She can't maneuver in reverse
The rocks are bubbling underground
Pick up the phone and call the head nurse please!
Track Name: Far From Heaven
Bless the mind of a quiet child
Give him a reason to crack a smile
He may not be a happy boy
But there are moments he may enjoy

Winter clothes from the discount bin
A weary face shows where he's been
The teachers miss his pleas for help
He wishes he were someone else

That's why he's so far from heaven
Already three steps behind
Too many lonely boys learn things the hard way
You can't rule the playground on your own terms
Every miscalculation costs you one turn

Goes to work with hopeful eyes
Wants to get noticed—that's no surprise
Enters the meeting with fresh ideas
Makes it look easy outgunning his peers

He feels resentment as the group walks by
They laugh at him but who knows why?
Eats his lunch alone in the park
The little girl stares and it breaks his heart

That's why he's so far from heaven
Can't leave his odd ways behind
Some people dig trenches—they always learn the hard way
You can't win them over on your own terms
But that's the only way to go if you've got the nerve

He runs upstairs to see who's there but never in time
The telephone rings till he picks up—another dead line
Kicks the wall and grits his teeth then pours some more red wine
Deal with it!

Friday night he hits the clubs
With cash in his pockets lookin for love
Scans the room for a friendly face
A chance to show off his style and taste

Stands aloof at the end of the bar
Nervously jangling the keys to his car
A beautiful woman glances his way
He wants to move in but has nothing to say

That's why he's so far from heaven
Couldn't solve the mystery girl again
So many lonely men gotta learn the hard way
You can't crash the party on your own terms
Once it's drained of energy it never returns
Track Name: Digital Scream Attack
Never was groomed to ride like a cowboy
Much more at home in a cyberspace lab
For fifteen minutes of fame and fortune
I'd blow my cover
What choice would I have?

But look at me now I'm a real disaster
Catch me on Twitter—the clues are there
Nothing we build is sacred here
The more we suffer the less they care

Plant the seed and then withdraw
Let it learn—then exploit the flaws
And when the kids log on on the weekend
They'll be part of this cause
Better warn your people…better watch your back
My shadow just coughed up this digital scream attack

Year after year this addiction grows
One day I'll be on my knees
Crawling through holes is my new purpose
Crack the code the firewall bleeds

Scan your drives…your fragmented folders
Encrypt your sensitive information
I'll just double down and recruit more soldiers
Protégés from the next generation

The black seed wants to grow from within
Cat…mouse…who's gonna win?
And when the laptops grind to a halt
You'll never find what the cat brought in
Pull the servers offline so we don't get tracked
My shadow just coughed up this digital scream attack

Pop my pills in the shower
A green one every hour

Download that streaming video
Pass around your audio clips
Spread my germ to your home network
Kiss the girl with tainted lips

My iPhone buzzed 7:30 this morning
They shot me a message I couldn't ignore
This might sound like deranged paranoia
But no one could explain what the app was for

You're locked out now—it won't let you in
The cat can only watch as the mouse plays gin
And when the kids log on on the weekend
You'll never know where they've been
Didn't warn your people…now they're not coming back
My shadow just coughed up this digital scream attack

Mistakes were buried in the yard
You rode me way too hard
All the way down
Track Name: Schizophrenia
Staring at the mirror I don't even know my own face
My mind spinning circles
My world filled with empty space
The light playing tricks on my sense of time
When strangers come up to me
I say I'm just fine

Who can believe all this straightjacket logic?
When people say they're schizophrenic
Aren't they neurologic?

There's so many of us reeling
Wandering around
Searching for clarity
Focusing on inner sounds
If all we need is love
What's the fighting all about?
They've stacked the cards against us
And now they're shaking us down!

Crackin up from chronic lack of REM sleep was bound to happen
Howlin at the moon
Whisper if you catch me nappin
I seem to explode at the drop of a hat
For no apparent reason
So what's up with that?

Blame the ugly side effects on all this medication
I know I'm only schizophrenic
But who needs such aggravation?

Freedom is something none of us has
So we lie to ourselves
Have you ever noticed?
They keep me in a lab conducting the most invasive tests
My behavior makes them nervous
Maybe they've got things to hide?
My plan is to check myself out involuntarily
Her smile will light my path
See, I've done all the higher math…

Needing just to be with her without raising expectations
One wet kiss would be enough to energize my sensations
But then I remember who I really am
And the laughing gets the best of me
I just don't stand a chance

I must not be alone in here
Coz even when it's dark
This notion that I'm schizophrenic
Tells me where to start
Track Name: The Enemy Inside
Someone let you down
Dealt you a hand you couldn't play out
Made you afraid of life
Gave you a reason for raising your knife
But something brought you here
You don't know what it is or whether it's real
Like hourglass sand you're falling through space
Searching for clues so you know what to chase

Don't look around for a four leaf clover
Don't get attached to your fortune cookie
Nothing can save you from drowning your faith
Or hatching a plot for the ultimate escape
But everything you need is there staring back at you
Once you let go of the enemy inside
Everyone's waiting…we're all here to catch you
So give yourself a gift—let go of the enemy inside

Swimming against the tide
You put your thumb out and got taken for a ride
Lost all your dignity
The audience laughed at your pleas for humanity
Sometimes it helps to eat dirt
With a newborn's perspective you'll rarely get hurt
Just keep one eye open in case of attack
Coz even your friends can put a gun to your back

Don't be surprised when the storm flies over
Don't burn the leaves on your neighbor's timetable
Nothing can keep you from losing your touch
Dark chocolate everyday?
Hmmm….that's a bit too much!
When all you need is me in there staring back at you
You can let go of the enemy inside
Don't keep us waiting for you to decide
Listen to your heart—let go of the enemy inside

Haven't you made a big fool of yourself?
Even a blind man can see you need help

Remind me to book the next date
So you can rediscover what's been left on your plate
Show you the rhythm machine
If you get up and dance there's a chance you'll be seen
Leave your computer alone
It's a crutch and you know it—your chair ain't a throne
How long has it been?
Such a long time to waste
Put the glass to your lips—all you need is one taste
Track Name: Suicide Mission
The biggest fools don't even know they're cursed
Like the mother on smack who drained her pool
While her kids barreled down the slide head first

He busted down the penthouse door
Then backed his threats with a baseball bat
So they bounced his ass off the eighteenth floor
And we watched him crash on his big hard hat

It makes no sense the way we treat ourselves
We must be on a suicide mission
The fans won't cheer until we kill ourselves
Maybe they're behind this suicide mission

We could have more fun
But the right's afraid of too much sex
They put more faith in tanks and guns
And kiss the crosses around their necks

Across the border in a crowded trunk
They scampered away in the desert sun
The patrol hated quotas but was too damn drunk
So he fired at random till the job was done

Polls may change the way we see ourselves
We lie about our suicide mission
It takes real heart to wanna kill ourselves
And finalize this suicide mission

All across the globe
People think TV makes sense
They hang around in costumes like comic superheroes
The unchecked imbalances have grown so immense
How do you fix what we broke?
We really choked!

When the beach is gone
And the lions are all extinct
We can launch our private jets at dawn
And get the fleet of SUVs in sync

After earth's a distant memory
Gonna start all over in outer space
Whatever's out there better pack their things
Coz they'll never be ready for the human race

Despite tight rules we can't protect ourselves
That's why we're on this suicide mission
But it's never too late to reinvent ourselves
So let's abort this suicide mission

What did Jesus say?
Track Name: Color Blindness
Helpless is all I can feel
There's a plate in my head of reinforced steel
Have patience they said
We've done all we can this time
I know it's wrong to hang your hat on a rack that don't belong
But I was too young to realize the world wasn't mine
When will the fog clear?
To feel alive again I'll say goodbye and disappear
How do these things happen?
Maybe I'm just color blind

They tried in vain to save his tender ego
But she found a way to punish him with bullets and arrows
They traded for the standard replacement
Then left him in shock in the basement
His hair in disarray

They told me things they knew were false
And never tried to fight the impulse
Spent many days and nights behind the curtain
Paralyzed with fear as they made their moves
The pain's still sharp—it lingers on
They left me with nothing but things to prove

Too stoned to find the door
So he curls up frightened on the floor
Winter passes while he's away
The doctors and nurses have nothing to say

Take back my soul now
All I see is red
When I'm lost I'm found
Back in bed
Researchers can chart my decline
I wanna be brave
And take a dive off the coast to test the waves
When I'm too far from the shore would you throw me a line?
Put my trust in science
That's the honest way back to self-reliance
The lights have changed
This man's no longer color blind

He opened up the drawer to find the letter
It said she had to get away for something better
Their program enhanced his understanding
His nightmare was over and soon he'd be landing
Track Name: Surfing Into Madness
We're not the enemy young man
Wind up the game again
Wash out the stain of friends
You need to believe the answer lies deep in your prayers

They can see you
They can see me
They're only guilty of lacking in sympathy

In the early morning they come and go like dreams
Your world is bleak and disconnected
Maybe it's the company you keep

Follow the road signs
Signal please either right or left
It takes real vigilance to screen each call for help

They're closing in to take you down
Well ain't this story tragic?
Dragged into the dark abyss surfing into madness

Phishing scams
Sickening spam

You tried to steal from me what you never had
Took pains to shelter me from good things—not bad
Now it's your unrelenting voice that's driving me mad

Gotta wise up
It's time to climb up and crawl right out of this place

Bots and worms
Makin me squirm

They can hear you
They can hear me
Uniforms in hot pursuit chasing after ecstasy

It leaves you dry
This cocktail you've been swallowing
You walk the street alone but you don't know who's been following

I don't wanna play—stop the game!
Gotta get back—ain't that a fact?
My brain is on a binge again and on the wrong track

I tried to hide the evidence
My poor mother found it
She caught me going hardcore surfing into madness
Could all this mayhem mean we're going straight to hell?
Track Name: Trigonometry
Make love to jazz and dance in the rain
Pour yourself a nightcap to soften your brain
Fill the yard with pets if they make you laugh
Lock the year-end bonus in to thank your staff
Stop driving with your fist in the air
This is not the way!
You wanna be remembered down there?

The holidays were good to you so give some back
It doesn't matter how—just stick to those who lack
That gurgling in your stomach just means you've had enough
So drop some change in the beggar's cup
He'll sing some wicked stuff

Put the humble pie back in your mouth
You were bound to hit a wall as your positions went south
We just don't give a damn about the rich guy's predicament
So you lost a bundle too
Do you think we even notice it?

Start the day with supplements and herbal tea
Book another weekend with friends you hardly see
Tell your dad you'd love to share an evening at the pub
Package up a golf game and a happy ending back rub
Fight the urge to grab the ice cream and cake
The last few pounds are hardest when you eat what you bake

You can own the table once you figure out why
The planets don't align in your favor all the time
She made it with a college girl
That's unfair competition!
But don't indulge in quid pro quo to flame her worst suspicions

Walk away and don't look back you've come this far
Rise up to meet the challenge
Show them who you are
When life hands you lemons you know what to do
Thank God for all this freedom…
Get on the next cruise!

Host the next conference here without an agenda
Gift your box seats to your favorite bartender
Avoid the big mistakes and you might forgive your parents
Sure they're full of nonsense but look at what they're wearin
Put the music on and play it again
The dull ache may dissipate but it never ends

Surprise! You're on the move again but are you really trying?
It seems you're at an impasse—the rocks are really flying
These questions you've been asking express what you're about
But the answers won't reveal themselves until you're free from doubt

Keep your date with destiny
You can still make it work and so can she
There are signs all around you—the promise of insight
Nothing can catch you when you're running after midnight
Track Name: Right From Wrong
The headline said you were caught
Heard a rumor that you were bought
You hurt a lot of people that's for sure
But we can overlook anything we can't ignore

This time you were nailed
We installed the patch but it failed
So here's a proposition—please hear us out
We're gonna uncover what you're all about

Sign your name on the seventh page
Be a 00-agent of the digital age
Changing the way the world spins is our job

Someone said getting knocked in the head
Will teach you right from wrong
That sounds like a good fit for a theme song

Open up that backroom door
Reverse engineer your doomsday plan
Tell us it's a hoax in language we understand

Our team leaders can show you how
To separate right from wrong
We knew it was you
Blowing bubbles in the holes all along

Maybe it's time to look around
They're gonna grind you into the ground
You can bury ambition and end up poor
Or put twenty large aside at the end of our tour

Now's the time to come clean
Dismantle your digital scream
Be the next megamogul…keep the girls safe
There's no better way to get yourself laid

Call me a misfit and threaten my job
But if I needed a lecture I'd call my mom
This is a pretty slim package…
Start greasin my palm!

I'm not what you think so don't even try
You'll never teach me right from wrong
Here's my wish list—you'll notice it's ten pages long

My world is a sacred place
My views are in focus and highly evolved
So what makes you think I'm for sale?
My tail wag like a dog?

You can drop the pop psychology
You don't really know right from wrong
And now it's much too late
This ain't where I belong

Someone said getting knocked in the head
Will teach you right from wrong
That's a helluva good fit for a theme song

My mind is a scary place
But my views are in focus now and highly evolved
Hey you're convinced it's just a game
Let's end this call!

I may be far from heaven
But I'm right where I belong

You'll never catch me
I'm just not for sale
Not now…not ever!
Track Name: The Truth
All those years feeling displaced
The light on my face reflecting sadness
Too much weight around my shoulders
Pulled me closer to the edge of madness
I struggled hard to resist temptation
My albatross? The next sensation
Now I'm learning how to live with that past

When I'm awake I'm plagued with worry
Keeps me honest so I don't deceive myself
It's not a cakewalk with anyone
You can't just toss pennies in the well
To jump right in when the water's cold
Takes a leap of faith—I've never been that bold
Hope I haven't hit the ground running too fast

I'll follow you if you'll ease my mind
All I need is proof
You're the cavalry
My hero for saving my life
Girl you're the truth

There has to be room for conversation
You've got to find some common ground
It's all about sharing your secrets
With someone you know who'll be around
Don't look too far beyond the sunset
Just be sure to give what you get
That's the only way to make your love last

I found the answer in your eyes
When all I needed was proof
You're the memory
You're the future of all ages
With you in my life I found the truth
Track Name: Moon Over Man
When your eyes gaze up at the moon
You'll notice twin reflections
One at midnight
And high noon
They promise only peace of mind
But fill your heart with dread
Perhaps a friend will touch you again
And clear the space
…of shadows in your head